Stop sending me crap!

Dear Wonderful Charitable Organization,

You are. You really are. You do good work, work that this sorry old world needs doing. I believe in you.

I send you money. I send you money so you can continue doing the good work you do. I want you to end torture and genocide. I want you to rescue puppies and kittens. I want you to help those devastated by natural disasters, to feed the starving and house the homeless. I honestly, desperately do. That is the reason I send you money.

These are not the reasons I send you money: I don't send you money to get mailing labels with my name, address, and your logo printed on them. I don't send you money to receive minuscule fleecy blankets adorned with the images of puppies and kittens. I don't send you money so you can send me a letter every other week pleading for more money.

If I had more money, I'd send it.

If I wanted a minuscule fleecy blanket adorned with the images of puppies and kittens, I'd sew one myself.

If I wanted mailing labels, I'd buy my own. Oh. Wait. I do.

If I wanted more unopened envelopes to toss into the recycling bin, I'd send myself homemade minuscule fleecy blankets adorned with the images of puppies and kittens in envelopes with mailing labels embossed with my name, address, and my own frickin' logo.

Dear wonderful, charitable organization, I don't want any of the crap you send me. I don't need the gratitude. I don't need another piece of junk to toss out. I don't like suspecting that the money I've sent you over the years goes not into your cause in which I believe and want to help advance, but into the stuff you send me.

For that reason, and for that reason alone, I will probably not be sending you more money this year. Or, possibly, ever again. And that's a shame, if, in fact, the money actually goes to the people who need it and isn't simply, cynically being recycled back to me and other sincere, well-meaning donors in the form of fleecy blankets, mailing labels, and biweekly bulk postage.

You may find this instructive, so I'll tell you about the two wonderful charitable organizations that will definitely be receiving my hard-earned money this year. Both are local, one a literacy program, the other a homeless shelter for women. They don't send mailing labels or blankets or monthly appeals for money. Once a year, the literacy program sends me a postcard written by an actual student describing in heart-stopping, broken-but-improved English just how the program has changed their life. I know, because I work with the program, that these postcards cost next to nothing to produce and mail and that the students are thrilled to trumpet their accomplishments. The homeless shelter - again, just once a year - sends out a newsletter informing me about what it's been up to, how many women its helped, and how.

They will get my money this year. You will not. Unless you just. Stop. Sending. Me. Crap.

Thanks for listening and good luck to you,

Tequila Fog